


A What Now?

by oopsthisisqueertoo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Date, First Meeting, Fluff, Harry Potter jokes, M/M, Sassy, bookstore employee Kenma, bookstore shenanigans, chapter 2 gets a bit angsty, rolling shit post
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2019-10-15 19:57:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17535236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oopsthisisqueertoo/pseuds/oopsthisisqueertoo
Summary: Kenma just wants to finish his shift without having interaction with another person, but a particularly annoying customer takes it upon himself to get Kenma to laugh. Harry Potter jokes ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a rolling shit post about Kenma pulling books from the romance section and I've finally made that dream a reality.

Kenma always loved working at the bookstore. It was no game store, but it did have game guides and was mostly quiet. The lack of sweaty guys trying to out nerd each other and check nerd credentials was also a perk. Plus, there was always the pleasure of shit talking customers with Keiji. Mostly, Kenma just shelved books or pulled them to go back to the distributer. Even so, he’d still be pulled away to help some customer or get dragged into unwanted conversation. He just had one of those faces that begged to be asked for help apparently. He couldn’t see how, but it was there somewhere. It had to be. People kept asking him for things even though he avoided eye contact as if his life depended on it.

Today was one of those days. He’s pulling books near the customer service counter, his face won’t stop screaming “Please let me help you. My life depends on it.”, and he hadn’t been able to go back to zoning for thirty minutes now. He gives an audible sigh of relief as Keiji walks up to clock in, giving him a small nod, and starts clicking away to clock in. Just as Kenma’s attempting to make a retreat, a man comes up the counter Kenma was at.

“Excuse me, can you help me find a book?”

Kenma’s shoulders slump and he turns back around to face the man. He looks like he’s about the same age as him, with wild dark hair, and a smirk plastered on his face. Kenma bites back a huff before turning back around to the computer. “What book?”

“Images You Should Not Masturbate To.” He gives a shit-eating smile. “It’s for a friend.”

_That’s what they all say._

“Let me see if we have it in stock.” Kenma quietly offers as he types the title in the computer with a deadpan expression. He’d been asked about far too many strange books for this one to faze him. No one had been able to top _The Power of the Pussy_. He is, however, slightly amazed when he finds that the title does exist. He’s not prepared for the next question. Nothing in his years working part time as a bookseller had prepared him for the guy’s next question.

“Is that thing like a card catalog?”

Kenma’s hands halt over the keyboard as was pulling up stock information on the book. Beside him, he can hear Keiji freeze for a split second and then briskly walk away. The door to the back room opens and shuts shortly after. Kenma stares at the keyboard puzzled for a few seconds before looking back up at the guy. “A _what_ now?”

He hadn’t meant to sound so rude, but it was a dumb question. The guy was clearly around the same age as Kenma. He’d be surprised if he’d even _seen_ a card catalog in his life, much less _used_ one.

“A _card catalog_.” The man repeats, enunciating slowly with a straight face.

“This is a computer, _sir_.” Kenma narrows his eyes and deadpans back, quickly continuing on to get this conversation over with as soon as humanly possible. “We do not have the item your looking for in stock, but I can order it for you, if you like.”

The guy’s smirk returns. “Would you please?” He leans on the counter and gives Kenma a smile. “Do you need my phone number for that?”

Kenma tilts his head back slightly and gives a smirk of his own in a tiny victory. “Just an email, please.”

His smirk drops briefly before returning full-force. “hotcatdaddy69@gmail”

_Of course it is._

“And your name, sir?”

“Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“Thank you. You’ll receive an email when it arrives. It’ll be about three to five days.”

“Thank you,” he purrs back, removing himself from the counter and sauntering away.

Kenma goes to turn around but finds Keiji uncomfortably close to him, eye twitching and displeased.

“I broke a shelf. I went to the back room to scream in the storage closet at that idiot and I broke a shelf.” He admits before walking away to do who knows what.

_He broke Keiji._

Kenma shakes his head and goes back to zoning the romance section. Zoning was always a bittersweet endeavor. On one hand, he thoroughly enjoyed sending back books that he hated, or thought were dumb. That also meant he sent back plenty of books he liked and wished would sell more. The romance section tended to wind up in the first category due to the terrible titles and pictures of creepily ripped men on the front.

_‘Thrown by a Curve’. A big curve in his dick? I’d be thrown too. Shit might be broken._

_‘Virgin River’. What? Like a river made of bodies or has some dude been going around fucking virgins, collecting blood from hymen breaking, and then made a river out of it? That’s just sick. And super time consuming. That time and blood could’ve made several longswords._

_‘Racked and stacked’. Pretty sure that’s a dude and he doesn’t have a rack._

_‘Hot and Badgered’. That play on words doesn’t even make sense. This isn’t the furry section. We’re not fucking badgers here._

Kenma’s fully invested in shamelessly judging the book titles, hiding a small smile behind his hair and trying not to laugh, when he notices a shadow nearby. He looks through his hair to see the same guy from earlier with a couple of books in his hand.

The guy, Kuroo, sits on the floor near where Kenma is pulling books, and opens one of the books he has. “You like Harry Potter, right?”

Kenma flinches at that, unsure how this creep he’d met only minutes ago knew anything about him.

“You have a button on your lanyard.” Kuroo laughs lightly and turns a few pages in one of the books. He chuckles to himself before looking toward Kenma. “Why did Ron have such a hard time studying?” He pauses, waiting to see if Kenma will respond. Kenma doesn’t for obvious reasons of not wanting to have anything to do with him. “He lacked hocus focus.”

Kenma rolls his eyes behind his hair. It might be funny if he’d come across it, but some dude pushing jokes on him took the fun out of it. Nothing was funny when you hated someone.

“Why didn’t Harry like the Triwizard Tournament?” Kuroo waits for a second. “It was _dragon_ on and on.” He gives a small snicker at the joke before turning a few more pages. “Oooh. Where do Hogwarts students leave their complaints? In the Goblet of _Ire_.” That time he gives a loud annoying cackle that’s surely heard throughout the store.

From the corner of his eye, Kenma can see Keiji talking to a customer and glaring at Kuroo sitting on the floor. Kenma shakes his head lightly, so Keiji won’t feel the need to interfere even though he gets the feeling that Keiji desperately wants to shit talk this guy. Thankfully, Kenma finishes one shelf and moves to the shelf behind where he’d been working and is away from the man.

Except, like most things today, it didn’t help. Nothing was going his way. Kuroo moves to the other side with him, now leafing through the other book.

“What Canadian rapper do Slytherins like best?” He looks up from the book to Kenma who still has a bored expression and is pretending Kuroo isn’t there. “ _Drake_ -O _.”_

Not taking the hint and undaunted, he continues. “How do two Slytherins show they like each other? They give each other a little hiss.”

Kenma has to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep the corners of his mouth from turning upward. That one was cute.

“What’s a Slytherin’s favorite movie?” He looks back up to Kenma, wide open smile on his face, looking somewhat like a gleeful cat asking for treats. “Snakesss on a plane.”

_Don’t laugh. It’s what he wants._

Kuroo gives a small giggle to himself and flips a few more pages. “A professor asks ‘where do you see yourself in five years’. The Slytherin student replies ‘Azkaban’.”

Kenma gives the tiniest snort at that one and immediately regrets it.

“Ohoho? I did get you to laugh.” Kuroo leans over closer so that his head is under where Kenma is working and he can look up at Kenma’s face. Kenma stoutly stares at the books and continues scanning them. “Since you didn’t laugh at me earlier, I thought you might’ve needed a good laugh.” He stands up and brushes the dirt off his pants.

Unable to keep it in, Kenma mumbles “I’ve been laughing at you this entire time”.

“Ahhh!” Kuroo hisses and clenches his heart dramatically. He holds it for a second before regaining composure and grinning. “Would you go out on a date with me?”

At that, Kenma’s hand fumbles and several books fall to the floor. Such lack of manual dexterity was a disgrace to himself and his gamer name.

Before he can care enough to pick the books up, Kuroo stoops down and grabs them. He reads the titles before holding one up for Kenma to read. “ _Kill Or Be Kilt_?” His eyebrows go up quizzically. “I don’t even know where to start on that one. And why is he so buff and oiled up? Why are we so against wearing kilts? I _love_ wearing skirts. It’s so free.” He bites his lip and stares at Kenma.

Against his will, the corners of Kenma’s lips turn up and he lets a small laugh out. Realizing what he’d just done, he briskly walks away and goes directly to the backroom where Kuroo couldn’t follow. He hides in the fixture closest, sitting on the floor with knees to chest, and giggles until laughter tears form in the corners of his eyes and Keiji comes to find him.

“That annoying cockatoo is still here.” He steps inside the closet and sits with Kenma. “What’s worse, is that he has a friend here with him now _and_ he’s ordering you coffee.”

“Is my face screaming ‘hit on me’ in addition to the usual ‘please ask me for help’?”

“No. That guy’s just stupid.”

Kenma gives another small laugh before getting up and helping Keiji off the floor. They head back to the sales floor, to find Kuroo and his friend at the customer service counter. Kenma internally groans while Akaashi audibly groans. Thankful to be zoning, Kenma cuts away from the customer service counter and heads back to where he’d been working before.

Of course, that lasts a whole ninety seconds before a towering annoyance is hovering near him. “You have a really pretty laugh. You shouldn’t try to hide it.”

Kenma exhales sharply and turns to fully look at the guy for the first time. He’s still smirking at Kenma, but it also seems good-natured. “I’m trying to work.”

“And I’m trying to ask you out on a date. And,” he holds out the drink in his hand toward Kenma, “trying to give you coffee because you look tired as hell.”

Kenma huffs at that. He’d gotten a new game and was hell-bent on playing it as much as possible. That’s what you’re supposed to do with games. Sleep didn’t matter in situations like that. “Can’t take things from customers.”

“Alright then.” Kuroo pulls the cup away and takes a sip from it. “How about I buy you some coffee after you get off?”

_No and no. Plus, I have plans._

Kenma narrows his eyes at Kuroo. “You’re not going to go away, are you?”

He smiles back around the straw.

Kenma groans, turns toward the bookshelf, and knocks his head lightly against it.

“I’m not that ugly, am I?”

Kenma takes a peek at him through his hair. Technically, no, he wasn’t that ugly. He had a nice build and a nice smile when he wasn’t being annoying. It’s when he talked that ruined it for Kenma. He gives another groan and knocks his head a few more times, not caring how childish he looked right now.

He turns back around sharply and glares at Kuroo. “ _One date._ After that, you have to leave me alone and _never_ come back into this store.”

Kuroo bites the straw and grins around it again. “Deal. One date’s all I need to make you change your mind.”

_Good fucking luck._

Kuroo takes a few steps back. “Oh, one more thing.” He grins again. “Why didn’t Harry Potter wind up with the Sorting Hat’s first choice?” He pauses, licking his lips in anticipation. “He _slythered_ his way out of it.”

Kenma facepalms at that. By the time he looks up, Kuroo is gone. “How are we supposed to go out on a date when you didn’t even give me your number?” he mutters before getting back to work.

“We’re going out on a double date this Saturday with that annoying mess and his friend, Bokuto-san.”

Kenma jolts at the sudden appearance of Keiji. “We what?” he sighs. “You didn’t have to agree to a double date to protect me. I was just going to mace the guy anyway.”

Keiji raises and eyebrow at that before shaking his head. “I’m not doing you a favor. Bokuto-san is adorable. Idiotic, but adorable.” He gives a small smile before walking away.

Kenma groans and knocks his head against the shelf again.

_I just wanna go home._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no intention of doing a second chapter, but the Harry Potter jokes kept calling my name. ^-^;

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Kenma groans to the sky as he follows Akaashi to the restaurant they’d agreed to meet Kuroo and Bokuto at.

“You agreed to one date.” Akaashi hums back, clearly pleased. _He_ was still looking forward to this date. From what he’d shared with Kenma over the last few days, Kenma couldn’t begin to comprehend why Akaashi was looking forward to seeing Bokuto again. Sure, he was cute, but cute only went so far.

Kenma sure as hell wasn’t looking forward to seeing Kuroo. Thankfully, Akaashi hadn’t given away his number. He just hoped he’d be able to sneak out of this date ASAP. He was naturally quiet. Maybe no one would miss him. He could just fade into the background

_Maybe if I fall on my face and break my nose I won’t have to go. Then I can go back to playing Kingdom Hearts._

“Akaaaashiii!”

Kenma’s shoulders go up to his ears at Bokuto yelling for Keiji. He’d already learned that he was the loud type. Weird for Keiji, but Kenma wasn’t going to question it too much. He didn’t care enough, nor did he think their relationship would bloom or last.

“Good evening, Bokuto-san. Kuroo-san.” Akaashi warmly greets them.

Kenma just stares down at the concrete, fiddling with the flannel he had tied around his waist.

“You look ravishing this evening, Akaashi.” Bokuto purrs and grabs both of Akaashi’s hands in his own somewhat mirroring how couples hold hands during their wedding.

Kenma rolls his eyes.

_Don’t make me sick._

“I’m surprised you made it, kitten.”

_Who the fuck is kitten?_

Kenma looks up and looks around for the arrival of a third couple or another person to keep Kuroo occupied so he could go home. Anyone, really.

“I mean you, Kenma.” Kuroo gives a smile that makes the corner of his eyes crinkle. “I figured you’d stand me up.”

“It’s not too late. Call me kitten one more time and I can make it happen.”

Kuroo’s eyebrows raise and a smirk spreads across his face. Before he can give a rebuttal, Akaashi interrupts, clearly determined to have this date tonight even though it was obvious he and Bokuto were into each other and didn’t need this double date.

“I’m starving.” He gives that soft smile that gets people to do whatever he wants. “Let’s go inside.”

Kenma gives him a flat look, unamused.

_How about not?_

“Yes! Food!” Bokuto pumps his fist into the air and leads them in. Akaashi follows behind him a little closer than one should with a stranger. Kenma tries to go in last, the temptation to make a run for it still prominent, but Kuroo makes sure to herd him inside.

To make matters even worse, Akaashi doesn’t sit beside him. He sits beside Bokuto, hand ever so often gracing his muscular arms. If Akaashi drank tonight, he was going to be hanging all over Bokuto. For better or worse, Bokuto seemed entirely enamored with him as well.

But that all meant Kenma was stuck sitting next to Kuroo. Thankfully, Kuroo had let him sit on the outside of the booth, which made him feel less trapped, but he was still sitting far too close for comfort. Pretending he’s not sitting by a stranger that he had only disdain for, Kenma studies the menu hard for several minutes, tuning out Bokuto’s loud stories, Akaashi’s questions and hums, the sounds of the restaurant. Everything but Kuroo. Kuroo hadn’t said a word.

Kenma sneaks a peek at Kuroo from under his hair. He’s got an arm on the back of the booth behind Kenma and his legs crossed now. He’s relaxed, lazily paying attention to Bokuto’s story, a soft smile across his face.

_He seems nice when he’s quiet like that._

Kuroo does a little jump, probably from getting the feeling of being watched, and turns to look at Kenma, who still has the menu inches away from his face in attempt to drown out the world. “Having trouble deciding?”

“Ah. No. I’m ready.” Kenma mutters, setting the menu down.

Kuroo gives a smirk and turns more toward him in the booth. “You don’t like me at all, do you?”

_Not really._

“You stalked me in a bookstore and practically forced me to go out on a date with you. I’m not sure I’ve seen anything to like.”

“Ouch.” He clutches his heart dramatically with the hand that isn’t behind Kenma, but his smirk doesn’t fade. “Give me a chance?”

Kenma gives a flat look back.

The smirk drops, and an eager face takes its place. “Tell me a little about yourself?”

“I’m a university student. I want to go into gaming.”

“Gaming, huh? Why a bookstore then?”

“I’m only supposed to shelve books and pull them, not deal with customers.” He fiddles with his chopsticks on the table. “And I don’t like how other gamers are so pretentious.”

“Ah. That’s why you look so displeased when you had to help me.”

“Pretty sure that was because it was you.” Kenma deadpans back, earning a grin from Kuroo.

Their server stops by for their drink orders. Everyone orders booze except Kenma. Games were hard to play when you were drunk. His hands were already itching to get his phone out and play Bungo Stray Dogs. He’d promised Akaashi that he’d at least attempt to pretend to care about socializing until they finished their meal. After that, Kenma was free to dip.

“What game are you playing now?”

“Working on Kingdom Hearts mainly.” Kenma mutters, while staring at the table. He didn’t want to talk games to this guy.

“Worth the wait?”

Kenma squints at the table. “No. It took twelve years and it wasn’t even VR.”

“Hey.” Kuroo bumps Kenma lightly with his arm. “Cheer up a bit. I’m not such a bad guy. And I have the best jokes.”

Kenma closes his eyes and gives a sigh. He knew the Harry Potter jokes would come eventually. “Get them out of your system.”

A big smile lights up across Kuroo’s face. “I thought you’d never ask.” He takes a sip of his beer that the server had delivered. “Did you hear about the tough Quidditch coach?” His smirk returns, reaching his eyes. “She was very Quid-ical.”

Kenma stares at him with a bored expression

“Alright. What kind of car does the dark lord drive?” He raises an eyebrow to see if Kenma had an answer. “A Vol-do.”

Kenma gives a huff. Hopefully this guy would run out of terrible jokes soon.

“Hey. What’s the house animal for Gryffindor?” He nudges Kenma to give an answer.

Kenma rolls his eyes. “Everyone knows it’s a lion.”

Kuroo has the bottle to his mouth prepared to take a drink. He grins around it before taking a drink. “Nope! It’s a porcupine; they have a lot of points for no reason!”

Kenma’s body betrays him again and he lets a small snort escape. It was too accurate.

Kuroo’s eyes light up more. “One more! And then I’ll stop. I promise. How do you make a Slytherin stew?” He nudges Kenma a few times to give an answer.

“I don’t know.” Kenma flatly replies. “How?”

“Make them wait for a few hours.”

A small smile slips across Kenma’s face and he rolls his eyes. “How many Harry Potter jokes do you have memorized?”

“Uh. A lot? I have a lot of chemistry jokes memorized as well.”

“Oh god, no.” Kenma groans back. “You’re a super nerd, aren’t you?”

“Yup! Nerd stuff all day!” He gives another grin that reaches his eyes and takes another sip of beer. His cheeks are starting to flush from the booze. “I’m a chemistry student too, so I gotta be in the know about any good jokes there. Pretty sure it’s a requirement for graduation.”

“That’s an oxymoron.”

Kuroo’s mouth drops open at that and Bokuto’s loud, boisterous laugh erupts from across the table.

“Chemistry jokes are top tier humor!” Kuroo screeches back.

Kenma gives a few silent giggles at him. Kuroo was just a big dork under everything.

“I’m glad to see you smiling, even if it is at my expense.” Kuroo smiles fondly down at him.

Kenma gives a hum, unsure what to say at that. He’s starting to not hate Kuroo so much but doesn’t know how to accept that. Being forced here kind of ruins that realization. He’s interrupted by his phone vibrating. Confused, he pulls it out to find one of his games is calling his attention. He gives it a grimace. He’d promised Akaashi he wouldn’t play, but this was a limited time thing. He looks tentatively across the table. Akaashi’s engrossed in Bokuto, one hand now lazily resting on Bokuto’s bicep as he gives him bedroom eyes that no human can resist.

“Can I watch?” Kuroo hums over him, scooting in closer.

_Why the hell would you want to do that?_

“S-sure?” Kenma slouches down in the booth slightly, getting into a proper gaming position for him.

Uninvited, Kuroo scoots closer to Kenma to where they’re touching. His head is resting partially on top of Kenma’s. Kenma’s about to fuss or shake him off, but the battle starts, and he doesn’t have a second to bother with him anymore. He’d suffer through unwanted physical contact for a few minutes. There was no way he’d let something like that distract him enough to lose.

Twenty minutes later, he finishes victorious. Food had apparently been served in that time. Akaashi and Bokuto were still immersed in each other, sharing food and laughing. And Kuroo, instead of eating, was still cuddled up against Kenma. He’d give a sigh every now and then that it made it seem like he was purring. He finally pulls away when Kenma locks his phone and puts it away.

“You’re a strategist.” He sleepily looks over at Kenma, taking another drink of beer before taking a bite of food. “I’m the kind to go in and break shit.”

Kenma gives a small snort and raises an eyebrow. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Breaking shit is fun.” He gives another lazy grin.

Kenma’s eyes flicker down to the table. He was only on his second beer, but it looked like he was already ready to pass out.

_What the hell? Is this dude going to pass out on our date?_

Kenma raises an eyebrow at him. Kuroo usually had that lazy calm demeanor but he was getting too relaxed.

“U-um.” Kenma stutters, looking away from Kuroo and then concentrating on his own plate. “Are you okay?”

“Hm?” Kuroo hums, one eyebrow raised.

“You seem tired. You can go home.”

“You’re still trying to get out of this date?” Kuroo smirks back. “Or is it that you’re showing concern for me?”

Kenma deadpans at him.

Kuroo scoots closer to him and brings his mouth to Kenma’s ear. “Unless you’re ready to ditch these lovesick fools and go to your place?”

Kenma gives a little shiver at Kuroo’s breath against his ear. His ears were a weak spot. It was a good thing he hadn’t been drinking.

“In what world do you think I’d invite you back to my place?” Kenma flatly replies before shoving food into his mouth.

“We both know you’re itching to play a game.” Kuroo shrugs. “I want to spend time with you and I rather you be comfortable.”

“I’m most comfortable alone.”

“Aw. But I wanted to cuddle you and watch you play.” Kuroo whines back.

“We just met. Why would I let you cuddle me?”

He raises an eyebrow. “You just did?”

_Dammit._

“Kenma!” Bokuto almost shouts from the other side of the table. “You should take Tetsu home! He’s a stray cat and he just needs love!” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Akaashi covers his mouth in a poor attempt to hide a snicker.

Kenma gives a deep sigh. “You know what? I’m done with this meal.” He throws his napkin and chopsticks down. “Keiji you’re paying for me.”

He only gets a block away before he feels someone following behind him. He cuts a sharp corner to catch a glimpse of Kuroo following him, hands in pockets with a relaxed smile across his face.

“I’ll report you for stalking.”

“Just making sure you make it home. Nothing more.” Kuroo hums back, not making any attempt to get closer.

They go a few more blocks before Kuroo speaks again. “You know Bo was just teasing you right? He just kind of blurts things out. He doesn’t mean to.”

“Nn.”

They board the train together and Kenma’s phone starts vibrating with texts from Akaashi. He glares at it before turning it off. It felt like he’d been the butt of the joke all night long. He just wanted to be at home under his blanket with controller in hand. He’s so caught up in that, he doesn’t realize he’s unlocking the door to his apartment while Kuroo stands idly by.

“Well.” He gives a tiny soft smile. “I guess this is goodnight and goodbye.”

Kenma pauses for a second, key still in the keyhole. He hadn’t wanted to speak to Kuroo in the first place. He really hadn’t wanted to go on a date with him. But it also felt a bit cruel to abandon him.

_Shit. He is a stray cat, isn’t he?_

He gives a deep sigh and presses his forehead against the door. “Do you want to come in?”

“What?”

Kenma turns his head toward Kuroo, head still on the door, hair parting enough so he can see. “Not for sex. Just to play games.”

“Bo got to you, didn’t he?”

“Fuck yes.”

Kuroo gives a snort. “That’s okay. I’ll go. If you don’t hate me too much, I’d like your number, though.”

Kenma eyes Kuroo suspiciously. He’s looking more tired than ever. “No.” He finishes unlocking the door. “We’re playing games and you’re sleeping on my couch.” He opens the door and walks inside without bothering to shut it or look behind him.

A few seconds later, he can hear Kuroo creep in and take off his shoes. Kenma’s already got the flannel he’d had on off and his PS4 loading. He dips into Hinata’s room to find some clothes that Kageyama had left behind. When he comes out, Kuroo’s standing in the doorway, looking uncertain. Kenma throws clothes at him.

“Get comfy. Those are my roommate’s boyfriend’s so don’t stain them. Bathrooms over there.” He disappears into his room to find some gym shorts and a soft t-shirt for himself.

Kuroo’s still changing by the time Kenma gets done, so he grabs some beer from the fridge and plops down on the couch, bringing up a list of titles.

Kuroo reemerges and quietly joins him on the couch, setting his clothes on the coffee table in front of them. He’s scratching at the skin around his fingers and biting his lip slightly.

Kenma passes the controller over to him. “Pick.”

“Ah. No. It’s okay. I can just watch you.”

Kenma stares at him flatly and sets the controller on Kuroo’s lap. “Pick.” He repeats before opening his beer and pushing the other toward Kuroo.

Kuroo peruses for a moment but ends up selecting Kingdom Hearts III. He roams around for a second, killing some enemies, and then hands the controller back to Kenma with a small smirk on his face. “Akaashi’s worried about you.”

Kenma huffs and takes the controller back, starting to play out of spite. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“You have the _worst_ jokes.” Kenma jabs a few buttons for emphasis.

“Yeah, but sometimes terrible things are good too.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Hey, hey.” Kuroo’s arm makes its way around Kenma’s shoulder again and he jostles Kenma slightly. “Did you hear about Harry’s godfather’s death? It was Sirus.”

“Oh my god.” Kenma groans and elbows Kuroo in the stomach.

Kuroo gives a small grunt but cuddles closer to Kenma anyway.

“You’re impossible.”

Kuroo gives a small hum, resting his chin on Kenma’s head again.

“Don’t fall asleep on me.” Kenma warns, feeling more and more of Kuroo’s weight pressing on him.

He gives a yawn. “Lay down with me then?”

Kenma pauses his game and looks at him flatly. “You want me to lie down with a stranger? One who’s been drinking? We are _not_ having sex.”

Kuroo nuzzles his head against Kenma’s making his hair ruffle. “I didn’t ask for sex. Just to cuddle. I can sleep, and you can play your games. No perv play involved.”

_Perv play?_

Kenma gives a small snort. He can feel Kuroo giving a small laugh back at him. He doesn’t like the idea, but he felt strangely comfortable with Kuroo’s touch. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done more with strangers anyway.

“Fine.” Kenma huffs. He gets up so Kuroo can stretch across the couch. He lays in front of him, letting Kuroo be the big spoon. Kuroo wraps an arm around his stomach, making him jump.

“Sorry. Habit.”

He starts to pull away but Kenma wraps his arm around Kuroo’s and pulls it back down. “It’s fine.”

“Just let me know if you get uncomfortable.” The words come out slow. Without looking, Kenma knows Kuroo’s eyes are already closed. His breathing is getting heavier and steadier by the second.

Kenma shimmies closer a little. Kuroo was comfy. He wasn’t going to be able to play a game sideways for very long though. That was the only problem.

Kuroo starts snoring soon after. He snuggles up against Kenma more in his sleep, his face rubbing against Kenma’s head.

_This is weird._

Kenma plays as long as possible before his arm starts falling asleep from the position. Reluctantly, he gives up and shuts the system down. He lets the controller fall to the ground and closes his eyes. He had no intention of sleeping on the couch with Kuroo, but Kuroo was just so comfortable. He doesn’t even realize he’s falling asleep moments later.

When he wakes up, he’s laying on top of Kuroo, hand on Kuroo’s chest, face pressed against his neck, and both his legs straddling one of Kuroo’s. Kuroo’s got an arm wrapped around him and is softly snoring like he’s only napping.

Kenma does a small jolt that pulls him from that nap.

“Morning.” He gives Kenma a small squeeze. “Hope I wasn’t too uncomfortable for you.”

Kenma groans and moves to sit up. “That’s your concern right now?”

Kuroo stretches and moves the arm he’d been using to hold Kenma on his forehead. “It’s an entirely valid concern.”

Kenma stares at him in disbelief. “You’re so weird.”

He gets a smile out of that. “Can this weirdo take you to breakfast?”

Kenma gives a small dry laugh back. “You don’t give up, do you?”

“Nope.”

“Breakfast sounds good. We’re playing Pokémon go after.”

“Is this a second date?” Kuroo smirks back.

Kenma raises his eyebrows and gives his own smirk. “A what now? A date?”

Kuroo’s mouth drops open and he gives that loud laugh of his again. “A second date, _sir_.”

Kenma gives a small snicker. “I guess it is.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proof this so hopefully it doesn't need too much love.

“Whoa!” An over-loud exclamation comes from Shoyo’s door. “Kenma you slept with someone on the first date?” There’s a childish giggle followed by a small gasp. “No wait! Before the first date even! So scandalous!”

Kenma’s blood freezes over while Shoyo stands there firmly believing Kenma slept with a stranger on their couch last night. Kuroo is cackling so loud it’s making Kenma’s head pound.

“We didn’t.” Kenma huffs as he pulls himself away from Kuroo. Them cuddling wasn’t going to help the situation at all, no matter how nice it was.

“Then why’s he wearing Shitty-yama’s clothes?” he gives a triumphant grin and throws off some sparkles in the process. Kenma wonders how they were friends again. Maybe Shoyo’s personable vibe rubs off on Kenma and that’s why customers always want to talk to him. Maybe Kenma needed to reconsider roommates. Maybe he needs to silence Shoyo for good and eliminate the sparkles.

“I didn’t want to be responsible for this drunk asshole falling asleep in the streets.” Kenma glares at Shoyo. “Even though he stalked me home.”

“Whooooaaa! Kenma has a stalker? Want me to call the cops?” He gives another big smile like Kenma had just told him good news while bouncing on his feet.

Kenma squints back at him. “Have you had coffee this morning?”

His face drops but he keeps vibrating in place. “No?” He attempts to smile but it looks more constipated than any other emotion. “On a totally unrelated note, we’re out of coffee.” He looks away to focus on the wall. “And sugar.”

Kenma groans and collapses back on Kuroo, causing him to give out a grunt at the sudden weight. “One of you need to go get coffee or I _will_ stab someone.”

Kuroo gives a small chuckle underneath him and runs a hand over Kenma’s hair. “Did you already forget you just agreed to going out for breakfast with me? Pretty sure that includes coffee.”

Kenma gives another groan. “But that requires people-ing before coffee. Can’t do it. Too weak. My HP is depleted. Can’t go on.”

“Oooh! We should all go out for coffee together!” Hinata gasps, rocking in place still. “Then I can get to know your fuck-buddy!”

Kenma’s never once in his life gotten so angry that he’s chunked a game controller. He got upset when he lost, sure, but never so much so that he’d break things.  Controllers were to valuable to him. Not to mention expensive as hell. Still. The controller on the table was chunked at Hinata with such speed and force Kenma couldn’t believe that he’d been the one to throw it.

Hinata ducked back into his room to avoid being hit. The house is filled with his manic laughter and he peeps his head back through the door. “Aw! It’s okay! You don’t have to be ashamed!”

Kenma gives him a death look and moves to get up, but Hinata slams the door back shut and locks it. He gives yet another groan and collapses again on Kuroo. “If nothing else, you make a good pillow.” He grumbles into Kuroo’s armpit as he hides his face.

Kuroo gives another chuckle and hugs Kenma. “Thank you. I still believe my real talent lies in my ability to deliver jokes, though.”

“You’re gravely mistaken.” Kenma mumbles again, starting to get sleepy. So what if he was still cuddling a stranger? Kuroo was damn comfortable and they’d already spent all night cuddling. He didn’t have much pride left to lose.

“Yup. You definitely need some coffee in you. Scooch.” Kuroo tries to lightly push him off, but Kenma clings to him. “I said scooch, sleepy butt!” He grabs Kenma by the waist and stands them both up, holding Kenma up slightly.

“Oh good.” Kenma mumbles before pointing to his room. “Carry me.”

Kuroo gives a snicker before carrying him that way. “How do you survive?”

“Coffee. I can’t go on without it. Only thing that gets me up in the morning?”

“Really? I would’ve thought it was games.”

“Need coffee to function. Games to live.”

Kuroo throws Kenma down on the bed and adjusts his clothes back in place. “I’m going to go get breakfast. You’re going to let me back in, right?” He pauses long enough for Kenma to open his mouth. “Yes, breakfast does include coffee.”

Kenma gives a hum, nods, and curls into himself. “Get on it, pleb.”

“Yeah, yeah. Can I get a little hiss before I go?”

Kenma’s eyes aren’t open, but he can feel the annoying smirk plastered on Kuroo’s face. “You’ve got two choices: you can either leave here a free man or you can be subjected to my control via Imperio curse.”

There’s a soft, overdramatic gasp. “You’d use an unforgivable curse on me?” There’s a beat of silence before he speaks again. “I’m so proud of you.”

Kenma’s face wrinkles in confusion, but before he can reply, Kuroo’s already left.

_Whatever, weirdo._

**. . .**

“I can’t believe I got back into your apartment. And that you’re still here.” Kuroo muses, one eyebrow raised, as he passes a very large cup of coffee over to Kenma.

“If I wouldn’t have let you in, Shoyo would’ve. I rather you two not become friendly.”

“Aww. Worried he’ll fall for me?” Kuroo gives a wink before sipping on his drink. “Even if he does, I won’t stop sharing my wonderful jokes with you. That would be cruel.”

Kenma’s mouth gapes open slightly and he gives Kuroo a glare. “You really think your jokes are funny, don’t you?”

“Well yeah.” Kuroo snorts.

“The only joke here is you.” Kenma deadpans before calmly eating one of the meat breads Kuroo had bought.

“My feelings!” Kuroo gasps, hand on heart again.

“You clutch your heart so much that I fear you’re going to have a heart attack.”

A sly smirk spreads across his face. “You care for me?” He purrs back, inching toward Kenma slightly. “It was the cuddling, right? It’s hard to sleep with someone and not fall for them.”

“I’m not sure where you get your logic or confidence, but you’re wrong. I—” Kenma’s interrupted by the sound of his phone vibrating. “Who the fu—” He pulls it out to find the bookstore calling him.

Kuroo, the nosy fucker, leans over slightly to see who it is. He reads it before locking eyes with Kenma. “Don’t answer that. It’s a trap. You know it’s a trap.”

With a straight bored expression, he stares at Kuroo before pressing answer. “Hello?”

“Good morning Kenma. I know you’re off today, but we’ve had two people call in today. Would you be able to come in to work four hours?”

Kuroo’s mouth is starting to warp into an adorable pout with every word Kenma’s manager speaks. It tempts Kenma to say yes just so he’ll be able to see his sad face.

“What time?”

Kuroo’s lower lip starts to quiver.

_So cute._

“Tonight. Can you do five to nine?”

Kenma deflates a little at that. He’d hoped it be during the day, so he’d get to see more of Kuroo’s pouting face. Not that he was going to go in during the day anyway. He’d promised this weird annoying cat a date. And even though he really didn’t want to meet up with him last night, and he _really_ didn’t want to let him into his home, that didn’t mean that he didn’t mind spending more time with him. He watched Kenma play games and bought him coffee after all. And he didn’t try to sleep with Kenma. Or rather he didn’t try to do more than sleep with him. He couldn’t be such a bad guy.

Kuroo’s perked up a little, Kenma can almost see his ears raised so he can hear the rest of the conversation, but he’s biting his lip now in anticipation.

“Yeah. I can do five to nine.”

“Thank you so much! Make sure one of the managers buys you a coffee at some point tonight!”

Kenma hangs up the phone to see Kuroo’s invisible ears flattened. He’s staring off to the side at the floor. “So no date today then?” His lower lip sticks out a little again.

_So dramatic._

“It’s literally ten in the morning. I don’t work until five.”

Kuroo’s head snaps back up, eyes wide. “Won’t you be tired though?”

“Please,” Kenma snorts. “I’m a gamer and a student. Last night was the most sleep I’ve gotten in weeks.”

“Ohoho? So that means I’ll be able to keep you up all night long with no complaints?” Kuroo purrs and gives a wink.

The murderous rage builds back up in Kenma. Instead of acting on it, he deadpans. “It’s like you don’t even want to go on this date.”

“I do!” Kuroo almost shouts. “I mean,” he resumes at a regular volume, “I would like to spend more time with you.” He drops his head before mumbling, “If you don’t hate it too much.”

“You decide to be considerate now?” Kenma raises an eyebrow. “Pathetic.” He waits long enough to see the look of shock and indignance before continuing. “Now go put on some of your own clothes and meet me at XX Station at noon.”

“You’re supposed to go on a date before you fuck strangers!” Shoyo shouts from his room.

Kenma lets the rage take over his face. “And wear Tobio’s clothes on your way. Let him deal with Shoyo in there.”

**. . .**

Kenma stoutly tells himself that he is not dressing up for this so-called date. He just normally wears nice jeans and does a braid tucked behind one ear, so you can see his face more. It was totally his every day style. Not to mention the white shirt and flannel wrapped around his waist. God forbid anyone notice that he was wearing cologne and he didn’t have any games on him.

Okay. So he was looking forward to this date with Kuroo. He was dorky, obnoxious, and had the worst jokes, not to mention hair, but somewhere deep, deep down, Kenma had taken a liking to him. He didn’t even want to know what that said about himself.

“Well hello there~” Kuroo purrs from behind Kenma, causing him to jump slightly. “You’re looking ravishing.”

Kenma shoots him a bored look. “Since you drug me out of my hole, what are we doing today? It better we worthy of my time or I’m going back home.”

“Aww.” Kuroo pinches both of Kenma’s cheeks and lightly shakes his head side to side. “Isn’t spending time with me worthy of your time?”

“Where do you get that groundless confidence from? Did you buy it on sale?”

“It’s all natural, baby.” He gives a wink and shoots finger guns. Before Kenma can roll his eyes, he continues. “But! I figured you’d want lunch before we do anything?”

“Let’s go. I know a place with great dessert.”

“Dessert?” Kuroo scoffs. “What about the rest of the meal?”

“Dessert’s the only thing that matters.”

**. . .**

After lunch, which is much more comfortable instead of awkward and miserable, they head to a pet store to play with the animals. Kenma thought it was kind of weird at first, but the moment Kuroo put a little fluffball of a kitten in Kenma’s hand, the awkwardness dissipated and his heart swole. He was in love.

“You’re not trying to trick me into liking you by letting me play with adorableness, are you?” Kenma mutters as he rubs the fluffball against his face.

Kuroo lets out one of those annoying cackles, causing some of the cats to jump and the other people in the shop to look at him. “Pretty sure you already like me!” He gives a grin before playing with a black cat he’d been particularly attached to. “But doesn’t everyone want the person they like to do things they enjoy?” He pets the cat with a fond smile on his face. “Or is that not how dating works anymore?”

“We’re not dating.” Kenma mutters, picking up a Spynx and running his hand over its tiny short hairs.

“Hmm. That’s true. But we are on a date. And I’d like to go on another date with you. And, you know, date you exclusively.”

Kenna’s shoulders creep up to his ears. “How can you say that? Aren’t you embarrassed?”

“Pretty sure I lost my right to be embarrassed the second I asked you for a book with the word vagina in it.” He shrugs back.

Kenma gives a small snort before pulling his phone out. His manager was calling again. He gives a small frown. “Hello?”

“Sorry to bother you again. Is there anyway you can come in ASAP? Someone just went home sick and Akaashi’s the only one on the entire floor.”

Kenma gives a grimace. As much fun as he was having, he couldn’t let Keiji suffer like that. He’d done it before. It wasn’t fun. “Yeah. I’ll be there within the hour.”

“Thank you so much!”

Kenma can feel the frown on Kuroo’s face before he even hangs up the phone.

“Work?”

“Yeah. Somebody went home sick and Keiji’s the only one on the floor. I can’t abandon him like that.”

“Aww. You’re a good friend.”

Kenma hums before getting up and giving the attendant the kitten he’d been petting back. “Sorry to cut our date short.”

“A what now?” Kuroo smirks.

“Ugh.”

“Just kidding~” He gives a big genuine grin. “Let me walk with you to work.”

Kenma cuts a look at him from behind his hair. He seemed honest enough. Like he actually enjoyed spending time with Kenma and wasn’t doing it to make fun of him or out of boredom.

“I can’t stop you.”

“Great! Now I can try to get your phone number still!”

**. . .**

Kuroo escorts him all the way to work. Then he comes in for coffee. Then he stays. For what, Kenma doesn’t really know. He’s too damn busy to talk to him or even look his direction. He and Akaashi are flinging books and running back and forth in the store like they were running a marathon. It was a good thing they were veterans at this point. Each of them would overhear a conversation and grab what the customer needed before they were even asked. They didn’t have time to ask them otherwise.

Kenma kept expecting Kuroo to come talk to him, but he doesn’t. Kenma does however, manage to catch Kuroo around the store being silly a few times. At one point, he’s looking at the stuffed animals. He’s holding a rainbow octopus with what looks like tears in his eyes. Kenma hears a soft “I love you so much” before Kuroo hugs it.

Kenma has to cover his mouth to hide the snickers before Kuroo can hear him or the customer he’s helping thinks he’s laughing at them.

Later he finds Kuroo looking through the children’s book section. Kenma gives an internal groan, expecting him to have another Harry Potter joke book in his clutches. Instead, the title reads _A Book of Very Cats_. As he flips through it, Kenma catches him muttering “It’s all of them. All cats are very important.”

The night presses on. Kenma’s still running around as if his life depended on it. He hadn’t seen Kuroo in a while, and thought he’d left, but then he catches that awful hair sitting in the café. He’s sitting alone reading what looks to be a science book.

_He looks kinda sad._

Kenma frowns. He didn’t like Kuroo looking sad. He didn’t know why the hell he was still here, but he didn’t want him to be sad. That wasn’t right.

As soon as he gets sent on his fifteen-minute break, he sneaks behind a bookshelf to see if Kuroo was still there. Sure enough, he’s still there looking pathetic. Kenma sneaks back to where the stuffed animals are and grabs the rainbow octopus. He manages to purchase it and a drink in the café without Kuroo realizing he was over there.

He marches over to where Kuroo’s sitting and plops down in the seat across from him. Kuroo looks up at him blearily and gives a weak smile. “Hey. You’ve been busy.”

“Here.” Kenma shoves the coffee and bag toward Kuroo. “You’re not allowed to sit here and have that look on your face.”

Kuroo’s eyebrows furrow. “Thank you?” He pulls the bag closer and looks inside. He blinks a few times before red starts to spread across his cheeks. “You heard me?”

Kenma gives a little snicker. “Yes. I would’ve recorded it if I hadn’t been so busy.”

Kuroo juts his lower lip out a little before giving Kenma a real smile. “Thank you! You didn’t have to.”

“I already told you. You can’t sit here with that look on your face. It’s distracting.” Kenma stands up to go back to work.

“I’m sorry.” Kuroo puts his elbow on the table and rest his chin on his hand. “I’ll make sure to be less distracting.”

“Good.” Kenma takes a few steps away before halfway turning to look back at Kuroo. “Oh. What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to go down hills?”

Kuroo’s eyes alight with a sparkle. “I don’t know. How?”

“He walks.” Kenma pauses for a second, letting a small smile slip onto his face. “J.K.” He gives a brief pause again. “Rowling.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys~ I think I'm going to make this six chapters? It started as a one shot, so I think I'll just go to (spoiler:) when they start dating.

“Ah~ I never knew~” Kuroo sings out, his chin resting on his interlaced fingers.

“No. What are you doing? Stop that.” Kenma furrows his eyebrows while his brain catches up to the tune of Kuroo’s voice. “Don’t you dare start singing the _Escape_ song to me. I know that tune.”

“Whaaat?? Meeee?” He lurches back in his chair dramatically with his voice raised a bit too high to be even remotely believable.

Kenma stares back at Kuroo menacingly.

“But for real.” He gives a real grin and leans back forward. “I would’ve never guessed you were a Ravenclaw.”

“That makes sense because you’re clearly a Slytherin.”

“Hey now! Get your house hate out of my face!” Kuroo pouts his lips out in a way that makes Kenma’s stomach lurch. “I just thought maybe you’d be a Hufflepuff or something!

“That was my second strongest area.”

“It’s the bleached hair. Hufflepuff colors would look really good on you.”

Kenma hides behind his hair and looks away.

_This asshole with his straightforward compliments. How can he say that with a straight face? We’re practically strangers. Or is he making fun of me?_

“Though,” Kuroo leans back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head, “you’d look good in anything.” He pauses to give a naughty smirk. “Or nothing.”

Kenma takes one well-placed swift kick to Kuroo’s shin. He yelps out in pain, but continues to smile, albeit less haughtily. Kenma considers a second kick.

“Still worth it to see you blush.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Kenma gives a huff and crosses his arms. “Stubborn.”

“Yup!” Kuroo grins back, removing his hands from his head and leaning forward on the table, both arms reaching out to clasp Kenma’s hands. “And I’ll continue to be as long as you’ll let me be around.”

Kenma’s stomach does that awful lurching thing again and he feels a chill go throughout his entire body. He bites the side of his mouth and looks away again but doesn’t pull away his hands.

“Did you pull that out of a Harry Potter joke book too?”

“Nah. You’ve seen the shit that J.K. Rowling has put out lately. I can’t even look at Harry Potter things without cringing a little on the inside. This is top tier sincerity. Not for the money and attempts at inclusion. Speaking of, she’s outed Dobby as having IBS. Pretty sure that wasn’t hers to share.”

“God.” Kenma groans, pulling his hands away to rub them over his face. “Can we take the ‘ruined childhood’ talk and throw it in the trash? I don’t want to think about how wizards used to not use a proper bathroom or how Dumbledore and Grindelwald supposedly got it on.” Kenma inhales deeply and rolls his eyes. “I’d like to throw her inclusivity coin at her face. And forget almost everything she’s said in the last ten years. Just let me keep the books and Universal Studios.” He gives out a small closed-eye groan. When he opens his eyes, he’s met with a raised eyebrow from Kuroo. “What?”

“I’ve never seen you talk so much.” He stops but when a sour look starts to cross Kenma’s face, he lurches forward, grabbing Kenma’s hands again, and quickly continues. “It’s a good thing! I like it. A lot.”

_God. You’re starting to be more like a smitten puppy than a stray cat. Or maybe a stray cat who found someone who would feed it? He did follow me home last weekend, so I guess I did end up adopting a stray somehow. I don’t think my apartment allows pets. I guess if they let me keep Shoyo they won’t be upset if Kuroo comes to visit. What. What?_

“Why are you like this?”

Kuroo cocks his head to the side and blinks innocently. “Adorable?”

“Absolutely,” Kenma pauses, “oh fuck.” He groans and ducks his head. It doesn’t help much because Kuroo breaks out into a full-blown cackle. Kenma kicks him again.

“Wha-at’s that? You w-wanna fuck me?” Kuroo gets out between fits of laughter. He un-discreetly turns to look in the direction Kenma had been looking to see a gangly tall guy with silver hair. He turns back to Kenma with a raised eyebrow. “What? Is that your ex? Worried about seeing him with your new boyfriend?”

Normally when hiding from Lev, Kenma would’ve let anything go just so he wouldn’t be physically swooped up by the giant, but Kenma couldn’t hold it in this time. The opportunity was too good. He raises both of his eyebrows and a coy smile starts to slide across his face. “My what now?” he asks in a tone louder than he normally used.

A blush and embarrassed smile spreads across Kuroo’s face. Instead of answering, he just freezes, looking a little scared.

It’s not that Kenma’s entirely against the idea. This was, however, only the fourth occasion he’d ever even seen Kuroo and the first two had been against Kenma’s will. Kuroo had already made his intentions clear on their last date, but that didn’t mean they were dating. Nope. No way. Pretty sure that required consent from both parties. Maybe a contract too. No wait. That was marriage. Marriage required a contract. To hell with that.

“Kenma!” A loud shout resonates behind Kenma, sucking away all the enjoyment he was deriving from Kuroo’s embarrassment. He’s barely got time for fear to register on his face before hands are under his armpits and he’s being snatched up like a paperweight and squeezed to death by Lev. “I never thought I’d see you here!”

_What does that mean? Am I not allowed in cafes? Or just out of the apartment in general? I’d like to not leave, but getting coffee delivered is expensive or I have to con people into bringing it._

Kenma just lets out a long sigh, the will to live exiting him with the carbon dioxide. “Hello Lev. Put me down now.”

“Op! Sorry!” Lev hastily and messily puts Kenma back on the ground where humans belong. Kenma doesn’t even get back in his chair before Lev notices Kuroo. “Kuroo-san! I didn’t expect to run into you today either! What a great day!” He greets Kuroo with a half-hug instead of picking him up. It must be one of the perks of being tall.

_Of course they know each other. They’re both annoying as shit. God. Why do I know so many loud obnoxious people? Is it compensation for me being so quiet?_

“Hey man.” Kuroo purrs back. “You’re not getting coffee, are you? Last time you almost set a car on fire.”

Lev’s mouth pops open and he stiffens at the memory. And possibly being caught.

Kenma gives a snort and covers his mouth. “You didn’t learn after the time you tried to jump of my grandma’s house?”

Kuroo shoots Kenma a concerned look. “You sure that was caffeine and not cocaine?”

“A combination of being a teenager, sleep deprivation, and four shots of espresso. His logic was that he’s tall enough that it would be like me jumping off my bed.”

“Huh.” Kuroo whistles. “Lev, you’re one dumb bastard, you know that.”

“Kurooo-san, don’t say that! I’m older and much wiser now!”

“Last time I saw you, you almost ran into traffic.” Kenma mumbles.

“And you still slip up and call Yakkun short.”

Lev only manages to let out a low whine and sits down.

Kenma raises an eyebrow. “You call Yaku Yakkun?”

“Psh. Yeah. He _adores_ it.”

“I bet he hates your guts.”

“You’re not wrong there.” Kuroo finger-guns and gives a grimace.

Kenma notices that Lev hasn’t taken over the conversation and has stopped whining, so he chances a look at him. He’s smiling stupidly while looking back and forth between Kenma and Kuroo.

“Wow!” He breathes out and places his chin on his fists. “I’ve never seen you talk so much willingly! But then again, I guess you’d talk more with your lover than with friends.”

There’s a beat of silence before Kuroo breaks out into that god-awful hyaena-like laugh. Kenma closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Somehow Kuroo and Lev in the same room was worse than Kuroo and Bokuto. He’s tempted to just leave, but really, he just wanted Lev to leave. “We’re not lovers.” He manages to grit out, just barely loud enough to hear through Kuroo’s laugh and Lev’s stupidity.

“No way! You totally are! You look so comfortable together!” There’s a twinkle in Lev’s eyes that usually only appears when someone compliments him or there’s free food available.

Kuroo lets out a final laugh and wipes the tears from his eyes. “Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s true. Kenma shut me down just now.” He gives a mischievous smile that looks more sad than haughty.

_That’s not exactly true. And how dare you have that sad look on your face._

Kenma gives a small frown under his hair. Kenma was just Kenma—awkward, socially inept, and a recluse. Anyone could see that Kuroo was handsome and sociable. Apparently smart too, somehow. Although, Kenma still hadn’t been able to wrap his head around that. Why was Kuroo even bugging Kenma about this? Clearly, he needed to raise his standards.

“Whaa? Even Kuroo-san gets turned down?” Lev frowns. “What hope to the rest of us have?”

Kuroo gives a hum. “That idiot Bokuto is dating the second most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” His nose wrinkles for a second. “Or, well, he’s gone on a few dates with the second most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and _will_ be dating him soon.”

Kenma’s not sure he catches it, but he feels like he sees Kuroo shoot a look his way. Keiji and Koutarou dating had nothing to do with him or Kuroo. Except that they both had to hear their friends talk about their new boyfriend.

“What the hell?” Levs eyebrows contort and he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Bokuto’s amazing! That doesn’t help at all!”

Kenma shakes his head softly.

_God. I’d hate for those three idiots to be in the same room at one time. Add Shoyo and I think my brain would explode, coating the entire room with my misery._

“What are you doing here anyway, Lev?” Kenma interjects, hoping it’d lead to Lev leaving. He always got sidetracked too easily.

“Oh yeah!” Lev scrambles out of his chair. “Yaku’s waiting for me to bring him coffee!” He manages to get a few feet away before turning back to them. “Bye guys! It was good seeing you!”

Once out of sight, Kenma gives a groan and face-tables. Lev was exhausting, no matter how much time Kenma had spent with him. He doesn’t look up until he feels a hand ruffling his hair.

“Ready to call it a day?” Kuroo gives a soft smile. It wasn’t one of those warm smiles. It was more like he was still hurt and wanted to get away. Kenma had never taken him for a scardy-cat, but that look on Kuroo’s face was proving him wrong.

Kenma narrows his eyes at him. “I didn’t reject you.” He mumbles before facing the table again. “And I just need a minute to recover from the natural disaster that is Lev.”

Kuroo gives a hum. “I’m surprised you can live with Hinata. He has just as much energy as Lev.” He pauses for a second before adding, “Although, I feel like Hinata is probably smarter”.

Kenma gives a small snort. “They’re close competitors for the Darwin Awards. I _know_ I’m losing IQ points when I’m with Lev.”

Kuroo busts out into a large laugh again. “How do you even know that guy?”

“Unfortunately, we lived close by growing up. He was too stupid or stubborn to realize that I didn’t want to socialize. We ended up becoming proximity friends.”

“Proximity friends?” Kuroo raises an eyebrow. “That’s pretty harsh.” He gives a frown before taking a sip of his drink. “Though, I guess Lev and I have more in common than I thought.” He gives a grin. “I just have to be too stupid or stubborn and stick to your side.”

Kenma gives a groan and facetables again. “Why are you like this? Why is everyone like this?”

“Utterly charming?” Kuroo purrs back and ruffles Kenma’s hair.

Kenma picks his head up just enough to squint at Kuroo. “I was going to say frustrating but go off I guess.” He promptly places his head on the table before Kuroo can process what he said.

There’s a beat of silence before Kuroo breaks out into that annoying laugh again. “You! You what!” He manages to almost yell in-between laughs. It takes a couple of minutes until he can calm down enough to breathe. “Holy shit.” He gives a few more chuckles. “That was the best thing I’ve heard all week.”

Kenma lifts his head up again and rests his chin on the table. “Want to hear something else hilarious?”

A sly, delighted smile spreads across Kuroo’s face. “Bring it.”

“Let’s go on a date this weekend.”

“A—" Kuroo bites his bottom lip hard. Kenma knew his automatic response would’ve been ‘a what now?’ but apparently, he didn’t want to push it. Instead, he lets a charming, honest smile spread across his face. “I’ve love to.”

Kenma manages to look at him for a tenth of a second before he feels a hot blush spread across his own face. “You’re so embarrassing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of rage for how JK Rowling just keeps making stuff up to stay relevant. I have trouble looking at HP stuff now. :/

**Author's Note:**

> All the book titles ARE real. All the Harry Potter jokes were from the Unofficial Harry Potter Joke Books (There's one for Gryffindor and Slytherin).
> 
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